Därknëss of thë Night

Fever

2008-10-11T23:05:00.001-07:00

As what I told Michie - "One year 365 days, I will be healthy for 65 days only and the rest I will be sick for sure", so the main point here is that I was sick and now still haven't recover though. First, I guess sometimes there are stuffs we just can't simply say. For example, that day was talking to Sandra in my dining room and I was talking so loud that,"No matter how serious, I will never get fever.". As a result, Sandra stared at me and said,"Said it again and see.". Then since she asked me to, then I was shouting,"I won't get fever!!!". So finally, congratulation to myself, I was having high fever after that, which is yesterday.

Basically on the last Friday, after dinner, I climbed to my sis's room as I was sufferring from severe stomachache. So after rolling here and there on my sis's bed for about 1 hour, finally we decided to see doctor. Well, essentially this is the most interesting part. As I was so dizzy and walked into the doctor consultation room, once Sandra stepped into that room, she was saying,"omg, a bu ne ne". So, the doctor was an Indian guy and...

After all, he came to a conclusion that I was having indigestion AGAIN and there is NO SOLUTION for that. Besides, he also said that I have to take more 100 plus. Nevertheless, he also said that I have a very HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. By the way, he also ADVICED I have to fast for AT LEAST one day.

Thank God for his words and I vomited at least twice, dairies for more than 5 times. Yesterday, not too bad, just having high fever only since I was fasting, lol! So again, my sis kidnapped me and go and see doctor again. Well, basically this 2nd doctor look more handsome that the 1st doctor. After my sis actually told the doctor what medicine I was taking and also what the 1st doctor was saying, the 2nd doctor basically was showing his swt face.

Below are the comment from 2ndt doctor towards 1st doctor:
Towards the medicine:
"The medicines he gave are for those days..."

Towards fasting:
"I see, well, at least I am sure tomorrow you will be in the hospital if you continue like this."

Towards 100 plus:
"Once you vomit, dairies and gastric, there is enough acid in your stomach and 100 plus contains acid, it will make you feel even want to vomit." <-which is very true

Towards HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE:
"Are you sure he said that?" then he tested for my blood pressure, and he said:
"Is, extremely LOW PRESSURE." Then he showed and explained by saying,"Basically normal people will be at this level and yours are below this level, which is near to pengsan level. And for the second low level should be at this level, and yours dropped below the level, which near to koma level." Swt

The funniest thing is that the 2nd doctor was like thinking something and said,"Failed la that doctor.", hahahaha!~ Well, luckily I went for the second doctor, else really see you in the hospital. At least, my sis used to kidnap me to see doctor. At least, my sis used to buy me milo kosong and also white bread. That's why I was telling my sis, if without her, I think I will die, hahahaha!~

Besides, my dearest Michie was telling me anything must sms her, maybe she will come downt o kl and see me, hahahaa!~ Though don't really hope I will be that serious but I am feeling quite touch towards her words.... ^^v

words of S, words of mine

2008-05-09T23:13:00.000-07:00

Sun sets,
Slowly and gently,
Shadow grows - longer and longer,
Shading the feelings,
Sore- Yes, it is.

Starry night,
Silence in the darkness,
Single soul awake- gazed through the sky,
Sleepless night , again, for unknown.
Sore – Yes, it is.

Soulless heart,
Struggling hard to leave,
Suffer between lines of hesitation – Slicing heart,
Sadness, yet, here to stay,
Sore- Yes, it is.

Severe heartache,
Stinging, every single move of mine,
Spaces between you and I- distanced unreachable,
Sinking deep, into helpless,
Sore- Yes, it is.

Sun rises, again,
Standing again by the shadow,
Still, everything leave- unchanged,
Sound and clear,
Sore- Isn’t it?
Sore- Yes, it is.

If I am not mistaken, I wrote this last year. I mean, the main point is that it is not the entire feeling and mood that I am going through.
Finally I received my pen drive from my parents and thanks to Chin Fu. So I was cleaning my pen drive and I saw this poem that I have written and feel like pasting it here. Nothing much, have a nice day!

. : 02.05.08 : .

2008-05-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

So I have celebrated a very belated birthday with Chin Fu, so now I can write about the day before today.
The story started with two girls, called YY and YP. So early in the morning, YY and YP traveled down to Pudu Bus Station. Mainly due to the reason that it was a holiday, so most of the buses were fully booked.
Since the moment YY and YP reached the bus terminal was just 8 something, so finally they met a person, let's call him Ah Pak (uncle in English). Ah Pak stopped their way to another counter by saying,"Cin, ngo dei hai you zhan, dan hai ngo de du you customer meng bak (in Cantonese means Money, we want to earn too but we want our customer to understand too)"
Well, since Ah Pak promised that there will be a bus back to Penang at 9:30AM which was the earliest, so finally YP paid for the tickets. After a long long time (well, actually it was only 45 minutes), finally it was 9:30AM, who knows, Ah Pak then said the bus had "run away". That moment, YP and YY were thinking the same thing - "What a good reason!"
After that, Ah Pak wrote another stupid bus number and YY and YP again went down to another side of the terminal to wait for the bus of course. Who know, again after 15 minutes or more, the bus was still missing in action. So, again, YY and YP searched for Ah Pak again.
This time, Ah Pak said,"Kok goh bus tao sin hai dou keh..Ngo du hai dou wen gen nei dei ! (in Cantonese means "The bus WAS there and I WAS searching for you girls.")"...Ish, YY and YP were then looking at Ah Pak using the following face =.= . YY and YP were thinking,"Ah Pak, nei wen ket chao yao (in Cantonese means Uncle, in fact you are trying to fool us)"
After that Ah Pak also PaiSeh because YY and YP were staring at him. Then, Ah Pak said,"Ngo ho yi want cin bei nei de kah, dan hai li gok hai zou yan geh yun zhet, wah je ha ci kin min, ngo de zong ho yi da gok jiu fu (in Cantonese means I can return the money but it's just because of my principles. Maybe some other day when we met, we still can greet each other.)"
So again, after a long story, Ah Pak then said there will be another bus to Butterworth. Since YP and YY didn't want to waste any time, so they finally agreed to travel back to Butterworth only they will take Ferry back to Penang.
Who know, YY and YP were required to walk quite a distance in order to reach the bus which was going to fetch them back to Butterworth. First of all, YY and YP were wearing the shirt with the same design, so of course, they looked like they were wearing uniform. Second, YY was taking laptop with her and another huge bag while YP was taking one bag and another big luggage, which mean both of them looked like people from China with uniform.
So after for another 10 minutes, FINALLY, the bus had arrived and proven, Ah Pak wrote the wrong number plate for the bus. Finally, YY and YP understood why the two buses will "run away". So, after YY and YP were finally in the bus and finally saw the driver "looked" like going to move already, YY was so excited.
Who know, one JPJ enforcer got up and checked. That moment, YY and YP were thinking,"Ah Pak, ha yat ci zong dou nei, ngo de jut dui ng wui tong nei da jiu fu..da nei yat chan jiu yeng goi hui (In Cantonese means Uncle, next time I see you, for sure we won't greet you, most probably will hit you up)". After the communication, YY and YP knew that the driver was driving without permit and they were charging with unreasonable rate.
YY was sweating in the bus and YP was paying RM35 for each ticket, some more let the Ah Pak pointed black road for two times and then still stopped by the JPJ and even took YY and YP's IC for verification purpose.
And the moment YY and YP had finally reached Butterworth, again they looked like two China people with big bags and small bags waiting for the ferry. So to summarize, never believe Ah Pak in Pudu Terminal Station. Thank you

. : 27 Feb 08 : .

2008-02-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

其實並不是在翻舊賬，沒事找事吵。
純粹是事情過了，才能心平氣和地看待與對待一些事情，也許該說是把事情看得比較清楚。
沒什麽特別，就只是和講師吵了一架。原因再簡單不過，就是立場對碰，意見不合。
他始終覺得他對，而我，始終還是覺得我對。但，我不否認我也有錯，但是我唯一的錯，就是因爲他是師，我是生，生不應該頂撞師，就純粹如此。
其實在我一肚子氣的時候，很多事情想發洩，很想喊出來，很想公開一切。但是，現在看起來，又覺得自己那個時候的想法有點幼稚。反正事情到了現在的局面，是非對錯都不重要，畢竟都已經淡化了。
而最重要的是，實情是怎樣，真正了解知道的又有幾個？那如果你問我，我會告訴你，我也不太記得了，呵呵。說出對任何一方都不公平的説辭，沒有意義。
又或者，在這一件上，我已經看到了很多事情，也領悟到很多東西，對我來說已經足夠了；另一方面，也可以說一些事情已經讓我覺得夠噁心了，不想再體會那種厭倦。
只能說，一個人在困境的時候，看到的東西都是最真的。而看到的東西，往往都是包含那麽一點點的殘酷。說明白些，就是在事情的發生，感受到失望，體會到那種不可理喻的荒唐背叛與人可悲的虛僞。
但就還好，看到丑的一方，始終還是有善的一面。至少分清了人，不需要再把自己當個小丑似的在那邊一廂情願維護，讓自己回想都覺得有點諷刺。至少事情完結了，心情也會輕鬆些。
不否認，白羊座的人，都很固執，而且脾氣還很火爆，所以EQ很低。我可以很固執，我承認，例如不會再把他說的任何一句話放進耳聼。如果說我的刻意和他過不去，我只能說，他不至於對我有那麽大影響力。
只是覺得，觀點不一樣，我不會接納那些内容，沒這個必要白費力氣。這可以說是我的一種堅持，也可以說是我的一種不成熟，但是我想我應該不會改變，因爲我有我做人的原則。每一個人的興趣取向是不可能一致，我純粹堅持我自己嚮往的人生，並不代表我不上進。
我是有覺得小小的可惜。事情是閙得不小，但是他所擁有的學才，我不否認。但是有一點，如果教導期間，目的是爲了領引學生面對與填補社會水準和需求，似乎很沒有説服力，因爲自己並沒有做出個榜樣。
如果教導期間，也說了要顧事情前因後果，這亦沒有説服力。

舉例：
在任何行業，堅持自己的原則，的確對，但是後果不佳，造成公司損失，就是員工的責任。
成立？
那在講師的行業，堅持自己的教學嚴格，的確對，但是方法用錯了，造成客戶不滿，直接導致公司損失，間接導致公司名譽受損，就是員工的責任。
成立？

以上的辯論方式，證明- 其實我是有聽書的，呵呵！
我只能說，不是每個人都吃同一套的。而自己覺得最好的，很多時候並不代表就是對別人好的。
算了，說那麽多干什麽，又不是寫給他看，呵呵。不寫了，所以，算了。。

. : 25 Oct 07 : .

2007-10-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

There are times things are sore
There are times I wish sadness will never soar
There are times things are more
There are times I wish heart will never moan

There are too much to say
There are too much I wish to stay
There are too much to take
There are too much I wish to escape

There are times I look into your eyes
There are times I can never fight
There are times I look into your heart
There are times I can never hide

There are too much to fight
But there are too much I can never hide
There are too much to write
But there are too much I wish they're right

It's life
It has no eternity
It's life
It has to leave

It's a lie
I never miss you
It's a lie
I never need you..

. : 08 Oct 07 : .

2007-10-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

Alright, finally I have finished all my examination and yes, I AM FREE but doesn't mean you don't need to pay. Haha. So, I will work out thing according to my schedule, I have to be discipline enough to control myself. I have to cover the following:-
1. MySQL
2. Java
3. PHP
4. C, revise my favorite
5. Joomla
6. My personal website (maybe)

What do you think? Will I able to make it? Haha. Well, I HAVE TO. Haha, I have to say so or else I know I will never make it happen.

Well, let me summarize what I have encountered before this. I faced some funny funny stuff from time to time, it's just that I was being too busy in exam so I don't have the time to actually to mad at all those things.

Finally, I can see how creative a person can be in story-creating, acting innocent, disgusting, back stabbing and irresponsible!!! Not going to say it here as I think it will actually "pollute" my blog.

Anyway, the main purpose I am here is to write about something that touched me a lot. Well, in fact my mom is facing some problems with her stocks, I am not quite sure what is that but I will be helping her out later and tomorrow.

Then, somehow, my mom just called up my second sister who is studying in KL. Then, my sis like shocked when she heard that I am going to help my mom. I thought it will be more likely that she will say,"Are you sure she can handle?" Haha. I admit I am pampered by my mom and sisters all the time.

However, of course, she never say that and finally her response was,"Ha? Don't la, later she will cut her hand." See! Haha. I know if she was here, she will help me out all the time. Haha. Nothing, just want to say that I am very blissful. Haha.

Alright, finish my story, so I have to go sleep as I have to wake up earlier tomorrow.

END SUB

. : 28 Sept 07 : .

2007-09-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am really very very very pissed off!! A lot of things to handle, a lot of things are coming up and a lot things to mad of!!

I mean what is this world about? Finger pointing? Blaming others for his own fault? Scolding student as it's the lecturer's fault? Ish~ Why this world will have this type of people?

"I am trying my very best to give you all marks already..". Come on, you don't even dare to admit what are you doing here! You are trying your very best to fail us.

We are neither blind or numb, what you are trying to raise issue among we students, sorry to say that we just able to see it all through and will never fall into your trap!! Sorry we have to disappoint you!

Another one will be our "dearest" 25 kid!! "Accurate" information passing!! We will remember you, don't worry. But better watch out!! Having too much of "heads", you will know it's not good in the future!

Alright, better cool myself down and work for my final exam. If it happened that we score, sorry sir, for sure it's not your work!!

Take a deep breathe!!! Taking...

. : Project010 : .

2007-09-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

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Anti-Steamve Campaign

2007-09-19T08:36:00.001-07:00

Previously, I was very keened to do my revision for the Quiz. Now, forget about it, totally pissed up by him! How can he said himself as professional lecturer as he don't even know what is he talking about?? As a guy, do you think keep blaming another lady who had already left the college like this is cool? Come on! Act like a man. (However, I will forgive you if you are not).

Hell man! What is this theory where a student's marks have to be minus due to being too detail?? Come one! Any problem with your mentality?? As a lecturer, what you are teaching your students are just IRRESPONSIBILITY, NONSENSE, SUPERCOMPUTER IS NOT USED IN TODAY'S LIFE and some kind of STUPIDITY as well. What you know is just how to blame blame and BLAME!!

All the time you are always correct while we students or others will be the wrong one. If you are so good in cheating your ownself or in your imagination, please QUIT as a lecturer and go be a writer, you will definitely HERO of all! In fact, you are a hero now too, HERO of NONSENSE! Won't you feel shameful for all your movement? Won't you think of your family? Like when your daughter know her dad is this kind of people? Come on!!!

Always use others name to achieve your own goal, shooting using other people's gun! But don't forget that the hand is still yours and we will make you PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID and what YOU SAID!!!! If you are not qualified PLEASE QUIT!!!! Don't waste the management resource and our students' time! We didn't pay for nonsense! What the heck is that I wrote extra thing for the assignment since YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING and everything is PASSED TO YOU JUST LIKE THIS BY OTHER LECTURER??? So, I make it a point to write in detail just to give you a clearer view in the topic, so I am WRONG?? IF YOU DEDUCTED MY MARK FOR GIVING EXTRA INFORMATION, YOU WILL PAY FOR IT! ! ! ! !

If we write less, then lecturer will say,"I tell you all, when reach Degree level, you all have to write how many and how many words just like this!" Okay, we write more now, then WE ARE WRONG? WHAT DO ALL OF YOU WANT?? Moreover, first time say thing, second time say another thing and third thing ANOTHER THING AGAIN!!! The worst case is the information is all WRONG!!! Come on, if as a lectuer we student able to detect your error, you can go back SLEEP!

Lecturers can scold me or even step on me but sorry you are not allow to, as my mom doesn't born me to step by A STEAM-ER!!! PEK CHEK!!

. : 18 Sept 07: .

2007-09-18T02:36:00.001-07:00

Last night, in fact I attended my friend's birthday party. Originally, the plan was to fall on Mr. Pot which is a restaurant located in Gurney Drive. So, when I reached there with another friend of mine, then suddenly my mind voiced the words of my friend. She said,"If all of us go to the beach now, then maybe our faces will be captured and published in the newspaper with the title of "Youngsters with no sense of awareness"!"

Haha, in fact I am not quite sure about how Tsunami used to come or go, or is there still a high percentage that it will attack again or we're safe now? Alright, I have gone too far. So, yesterday since me and my friend had reached Gurney Drive earlier than what we have predicted, so we just have a stop in front of the sea. Well, I saw the tide had ebbed. Based on some sayings, if the sea recedes from the coast half of the wave's period, it is actually a sign for Tsunami. I didn't say that what I saw last night was a sign of Tsunami but I just not feeling that comfortable with what was in my eyes that time.

The reason is simple, I don't want to die now. Haha! Then, only I realise there is a lot of things there I want to do but not yet done, is A LOT!! So, I think I have to work harder for all these! (Then, why are still blogging here? Go to do your work!)..

Well, basically I was doing just now but then the Hotmail spoiled my mood! How can it show me the message that the mail has been delivered but in fact it never reach the receiver??? Hell!! Alright, just forget about it as finally it reached too (though it late for 2 hours *"real-time" transmission*).

Okay, stop and end here, go to work.

.:25 July 2007:.

2007-07-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Assignments....

Projects...

All those "S" seem to be so irritating when I was overwhelmed with hills of coursework!
Again, all "S"s keep come into my mind, in fact in my real life, they never give me up. So, wondering whether it is a good thing or bad thing?
Well, of course I will appreciate more if good thing comes with "S"s...haha!~

At this moment, I can't find a word to actually describe my feeling.
Feeling so...I don't know...Kind of want to and shout out loudly as I don't use to cry...
A lot of pressures from this and that, I am really tired about them...
And, again, nothing can be done...

Yesterday in fact was a really depressed night, I am quite fed up at that particular moment and in fact the feeling of helpless haunted me..
I, don't like to be irresponsible or doing last minute stuff;
I, never ever let myself complete something that I know is incorrect and submit as my work!
I dislike and definitely HATE this kind of thing!
Is not that I can't handle all the critics but I prefer a chance to try before the bullets actually shoot on me! Fair what...

Everything is that easy as you see...
Eyes do tell lies all the time and interpret the wrong thing "cleverly"...
But we do like to see thing using our eyes, this is human.
Anyway, I didn't mean everyone is like that but most of the human are under this category, including myself sometimes..
Well, anyway, I just want to say, IN MIND is always much more EASIER than IN HAND!

Well, maybe there are times no one is wrong, which is a sad case.
Alright, this is what we call LIFE, so just accept it...

No trying to bad-mouth whoever though I am really feeling bad. But somehow I think by telling myself that I am the wrong side will make myself feel better...

Cheer!

. : 24 July 2007 : .

2007-07-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

URL: http://www.jonpatch.ca/flightsim/screenshots/empress_night.jpg

Don't ask me why because I don't know the answer-yet.

Sometimes I do like to gaze through the starry night and just leave myself fall freely into my own thoughts, I simply enjoy that kind of feeling. Maybe it's because during that particular moment, I don't need to endure the sadness and failures of reality?

There is still a long way for me to go but it's sad to say that I am sick with all these. In fact, they are all about relationship stuffs.
Each time I am depressed, I will feel like...never want to love anymore.
And each time you give me your hand...My feeling tells me, you are the one.
But somehow, feeling is just a liar.

I tried to face, tried to handle, tried to continue or maybe I had tried to give up too...Sigh...
How sad was it when I yet failed to find my way out.
Human is kind of a complex animal, with complex thinkings, judgments and feelings.
Why does people say human is the most intelligent animal on the Earth? In what sense?

Some Humans, are brilliant in finding reasons to cover their backsides when the shit hits the fan;
Some Humans, are expert in finger pointing when they are incorrect;
Some Humans, are good in laying promises after "Sorry" comes into play;
Some Humans, are outstanding actors when their mistakes are inexcusable...

Well, I am not saying that all human is like that, I am just pressed down by something or things.
In fact, I personally feel that the most tiring thing is neither I need to hit my target, nor need to work hard for things, it's just facing human.

Some people are faked; Some are irresponsible;
Some refuse to move; Some just choose to blame...
But what to do? Or what can I do? Life is like this...

Take a deep breath, I think I will feel better if tonight is a starry night...
Black, represents the darkness of life; represents the loneliness of heart...